Change...

Over the last 6 months or so I have really been struggling... we have been through the whole moving, buying/selling a house saga, I have gotten an insulin pump (trying to get healthier), moved in with my parents, had A LOT of stress and surprises with the house business and I have also put on quite a bit of weight and have just had an overwhelming sense of not feeling the greatest about myself. They all kind of tie in together, being a diabetic, I struggle with weight loss anyways, but being put on an insulin pump just makes it that much harder to lose weight, and can actually lead to weight gain because you're in better control of your blood sugars because you're taking more insulin. This whole situation stressed me out, on top of all the stress from everything else... I guess you could say I have been VERY depressed and having an extremely hard time accepting myself and that I am worth anything. I have felt like a failure and embarrassed for people to see me because of the change in my body. I felt like I had hit rock bottom pretty much, not knowing which road or path to take to try to fix my problem and make me feel better about myself. I had thought of everything trust me, the good and the bad.   Anyways this last Sunday something changed in me.... No I hadn't drastically lost an unbelievable amount of weight (although I wish!!) I wasn't even able to go to church that day because of work, but I came home and decided to watch some LDS movies and it was like a light switch had been turned on or something. I realized that I was trying to do everything by myself. I was not reading my scriptures. I was not praying. I was thinking only of myself and I was miserable. I had forgotten that somebody was there to help me if I had only been willing to ask for help.  Since that day I have been really trying to focus on the good, and relying on my Heavenly Father. It has made a big difference. I was also able to go to the Brigham City Temple yesterday with my mom to do initiatories and I cannot tell you how good I feel! I feel like I am going to burst with happiness. I have that feeling of excitement and joy inside me and it feels good! I am loving this change and i hope it stays this way.  I wanted to write this down so I could look back on this when I start feeling down again and hopefully will help me to feel better!!